so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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