SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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