she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
