I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
