Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games