SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir