you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So vagazzling was a success
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'