i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
