And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?