ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.