i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest