I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
