Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
