Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
