I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
