sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
