she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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