So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
