im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
