We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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