too bad you live with your parents still
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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