Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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