I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
