I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
