I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
