he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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