its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
