look no pants
I just gift wrapped bread.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
