Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
