i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
