Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize