i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
