if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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