I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
