I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
