This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
