There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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