when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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