Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
