Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
