Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize