I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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