Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
