In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize