i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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