hotel room ftw
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
