My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
