dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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