there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
