is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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