I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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