I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
