you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
