who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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