wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
