Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
