You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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