I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
