Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
