"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
