i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
