Heybabeimwearingurpanties
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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