its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
