Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
even my farts smell like vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
