i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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