just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize