i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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