i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
