she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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