covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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