At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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