): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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