Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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