After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
