Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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