Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
