he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
