2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
