It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
