i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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