My friends, they love my intelligence
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
