Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
