Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
